Transcript for Episode 61: Justice and Joy: Self-Care in 2020

NASW Social Work Talks Podcast

Cat McDonald:
This is Social Work Talks. I'm Cat McDonald. The year 2020 has been exhausting. We're dealing with the coronavirus pandemic, which has brought with it social isolation, collective anxiety and grief. We're grappling with the economic fallout of this pandemic, which includes widespread unemployment, and housing and food insecurity. And on top of all of this, we've witnessed brutal murders of Black people by police officers. We're hearing news of detention centers where Latinx immigrants are being detained in inhumane conditions for months on end. How can we get through all of this?

Today, we're speaking with Sharea Farmer about self-care, especially as it relates to Black people living in the United States at this time in history. Sharea is a social worker working as a therapist, leadership coach and small business consultant. She helps women and families find joy by helping them integrate wellness into their daily lives.

Cat McDonald:
Welcome to Social Work Talks, Sharea.

Sharea Farmer:
Thank you for having me.

Cat McDonald:
Tell us about your background and about your work.

Sharea Farmer:
I'm a licensed clinical social worker here in New Jersey. I'm a therapist by trade is what I like to say, but a social worker by heart. And what that means is that my job is to be a therapist specifically for youth and adolescents and families in the Black and brown community.

Sharea Farmer:
So my experience over the last 18 to 20 years has been not just clinical, but also macro level work with program development and program designing related to different types of social services and disability specific.

Sharea Farmer:
And then also I have a little bit of history or background in domestic violence or intimate partner violence, which is something that's dear to my heart for personal reasons. And so I kind of take all of those things and try to master a practice that nurtures and takes care of not just only my community, but specifically gearing it towards Black, all women and children and families.

Cat McDonald:
People this year have been reacting to the current wave of anti-Black violence in America with a variety of emotions, including rage, sorrow, grief, and even numbness and exhaustion. How can self-care help Black and brown people move through this moment?

Sharea Farmer:
Well, I think when we think about just self-care in general, it really is about being intentional. It's about being intentional in areas that are within our control about our health and our wellness. And so when we think about the concept of self-care, although it's just an individual concept, it also impacts us in our community.

Sharea Farmer:
And so I think a lot of what we can do is start by looking where could I be more intentional to create a safe environment for myself, create supportive relationships and a community support. So you're kind of looking at self-care as the individual, but also how can I make sure that my social support and environment also reflects the things I need to feel safe while the world is on fire.

Cat McDonald:
Have you been helping people build communities that they feel safe, and how can you do that?

Sharea Farmer:
So one of the excellent ways to do that, and I don't know the exact site for this, but I believe it's a transitional or transformational program out of San Francisco that works with LGBTQ population. And one of the resources that they have is like a pod mapping. And so a lot of what I've been doing, especially early on with the violence against Black bodies, a lot of it I've been doing is pod mapping, which is really trying to establish who's in your circle, who can you go to, who can you talk to about these issues in a very passionate and deep way. But also who could you talk to when you need to have joy? Who can you talk to when you need to have moments of excitement and positive views of life? And even where you can feel safe. And so what that pod does is it allows us to decide where we go in our community, but also even outside of our community that might help us to advocate for justice, but also joy within our life.

And so my thing over the last few months has been justice and joy, which basically indicates that you need to be able to fight for what we know we need in this country, and what's happening to us is real. But also we need to remember that we're human. We need to engage in activities that make us feel safe, that make us feel supported, and also make our communities feel supported by one another.

And so that pod is just like a beginning stage of developing the relationships that will be your sources during difficult times. And for me in my immediate pod, which is the ones closest to you, it might be family, friends, or even coworkers that you really can talk deeply about social issues, but also about how are you healing, how are you taking care of yourself, and how are you dealing currently with all of the different layers of trauma that we're experiencing.

So I think starting there, really identifying what is my support looking like. And if you are struggling with even just that, getting this support clinically. Go out, talk to a therapist, find someone that can actually help you to develop a personal plan that impacts you, but also impacts your community.

Cat McDonald:
I love that. I love justice and joy. That's fantastic. And I love the concept of really being, as you said, intentional about your pod and where you go to for support, because you have to know, some places it's okay to talk about. If you're LGBTQ, for example, it may be safe to talk about these certain issues with one person or one group of people, but not with another.

Sharea Farmer:
Exactly.

Cat McDonald:
So yeah. So self-care, it sounds like is not just about self. It's about community also. Can you talk about self-care and what you mean when you say self-care, what it looks like on a personal level and a community level?

Sharea Farmer:
So I usually think of it as being intentional about areas that we need to regulate in order to be healthy. Right? And so when we think about our physical health, how are you being intentional each day about what you eat, how you move, how you think. But then that moves to emotional health where you actually might do affirmations. And not just the "I am" statements, but also very much about what does safety look like to me and how do I declare safety over myself and my family and community.

Then also our social and spiritual selves. I think when I think of self-care, I think of it as a collective care. So it's areas that I'm intentional in that include myself. And I am the priority on the list, but I also impact those who are in my social circle in order to make sure that I'm balanced, because in all of my areas of self-care, I have an accountability partner. So that person kind of pulls me in and reminds me, am I being intentional? And I do the same for her as well.

Cat McDonald:
Hmm. I think a lot about people watching the news a lot and how damaging that can be. It's like we're being attacked almost. It's like every day we watch something that is sort of psychically or spiritually damaging. How do people stay informed and take care of themselves?

Sharea Farmer:
One of two things. I think there is the reality that we do need to be aware, but sometimes access can lead to an obsession. And so when we're not mindful of how much we're accessing negative information, then it's going to impact us in a negative way. And so, one of the things that I do personally, just for my own self-care, and also to be aware, is I only watch the news one time a day. What I realize is that although it may feel like this is immediate information that I need to know, it also is immediate negative information that's ongoing. And so if that's what I'm living, it also allows me to feel hopeless and start to have emotions that might be out of my control.

And so what I do is literally I will decide the day before if I'm going to do the evening or the morning. And what that looks like for me is usually, because I have a routine for my morning, it's usually either mid-day and/or mid-evening before I actually will watch the news.

And I try to be intentional about that even when it comes to social media, because although I want to know and be aware, I have to be cautious that I'm re-traumatizing myself every single time there are Black and Brown bodies being harmed, there's violence against us, constant displays of ignorance in our country and leadership not being healthy. It's constant, ongoing reminders that the environment that I live in is not safe, which automatically will trigger what level of trauma I might experience around trauma or generational or historical trauma.

Sharea Farmer:
And so for me personally, I try to be really intentional even with how much I allow in from the media and social media. Adapting that kind of thinking where you can be intentional about how much and/or doing the 5-1, where if you see one negative thing, you might have to look out for five positive news reports. And I know that's more work, but if you are going to insist on being exposed to it, you have to make sure you're exposing yourself to other things as well, that are positive.

Cat McDonald:
I like that. Yeah, it's also about boundaries, right? You're setting a boundary and saying the news is not going to come into my brain all 24 hours of the day. It's going to be when I say. I like that.

Sharea Farmer:
And that's difficult. It's really difficult, but it's important, especially for Black and Brown people right now. It's important to curate your system and your environment to fit your actual ability to survive. If we are looking at the level of violence in our communities, there has to be a reality that I need to feel safe at some point, or I'm going to be hyper alert in all places. And that doesn't really help our bodies physically, mentally, or spiritually.

Cat McDonald:
Yeah. So you mentioned intergenerational trauma because of course this type of violence is not new. Can you talk about intergenerational trauma?

Sharea Farmer:
Intergenerational trauma is really what happens when the effects of trauma from previous generations has been unresolved. So that's like a very simple definition. It's like when trauma has either been ignored, not resolved, and/or has no actual past interventions to impact the change around the trauma.

What happens is that there are two folds for people of color and specifically Black Americans and Black people in this country, is there is historical trauma as well, which occurs when there is just very specific history that causes ongoing or past trauma that is not just physically wounding, but mentally wounding. And it basically puts a cost on your body. So it tells you that your body is not safe in this environment. And so historically for specifically Black Americans, that is the trauma that you live through ongoing, which is this isn't new for us.

However, just because something isn't new, it doesn't mean it doesn't make us triggered by the ongoing events being publicized differently. And it doesn't mean that we're not impacted by the fact that it's not resolved after years of being in a country where you're supposedly a part of that environment or community.

And so I think when we think about intergenerational, the reason why it wasn't resolved is that some of it is historical within our own country. And the belief system has created what is considered anti-Blackness. And so it becomes really easy to kind of intertwine the two. But understanding the difference is about what's happened to you, and what's ongoing and what's happening to you now.

So historical trauma, it's in our history, but it's also in our present. Intergenerational trauma is unresolved and it might have consequences of broken families, disconnected community, violence, suicide. So if you look at indigenous people and Native Americans, you find that some of the same intergenerational trauma have the consequences of some of the same things within Black and Brown communities all over this country.

I think it's really important to know the difference, but understanding that they are both relevant in our current history, as Blacks in America.

Cat McDonald:
Some people sometimes talk about healing the wounds of racism. Is healing even possible at this time? Can people heal when the violence against their communities is still ongoing?

Sharea Farmer:
When I think about that question or that statement, I want to automatically say yes, just because the hope and the connection to my own community. I really feel strongly that we have to try to fight for healing.

However, I'm also realistic where I understand that healing is a process. And in that process, there are times when the healing is painful, and that pain you are looking for a level of justice and a level of being seen. And I think that's where we are right now. We're not in the place where it looks like we're resolving to a place of healing. We are in the space where we are fighting for that healing. And part of that is also being honest that you have to see the pain that you've caused to a community. And I think when we think about how the country is trying to educate itself to really be intentional about anti-racism. Those are examples of healing, even though it still may be painful.

And so I think yes and no. I don't know if that makes sense, where it's like, yes, we are healing, but this is a very painful time in history and a very telling time about the history of this country, where we can move forward if we're honest. And anytime we're thinking of healing, we have to be honest about how the wound was actually there, how it even started, and how it can be resolved by being able to acknowledge it and determine how you continue to perpetrate oppression, and how you might even participate in internalized oppression.

So I do think there's the possibility that we can heal during this time, but we have to be really cautious to know that healing also includes acknowledging that there's real pain from our experience in this country. And so, yes and no.

Cat McDonald:
And you mentioned internalized depression. Can self-care help alleviate internalized depression?

Sharea Farmer:
I think so. I think of self-care as like a tool within tools. So it is being able to acknowledge that there might be some deficiency in my mental or emotional health that I can actually start working on right now, that there might be some deficiency on my physical activity and the things that I can do to honor my body.

And so, yes, I do think that those things impact our healing because it starts to alleviate the individual's triggers and/or response to trauma. And so I do think it is important to start with yourself and knowing what types of self-care activities do I need to include in my daily routine to be able to start healing and be working on justice. So yes, I do think it's part of it.

Cat McDonald:
Yeah. And it sounds like it looks different for each individual, that kind of self-care. But could you give some examples of ways that people might start working on that?

Sharea Farmer:
So I think for, and I can give a little bit of some of the things that I do for myself, as well as what clients I've worked with. So we create plans in our physical life. And so this one might sound silly, but proper rest.

Cat McDonald:
Oh no. It's not silly at all! [laughs]

Sharea Farmer:
But I always say the foundation of a healthy body is healthy rest. And so making sure that you're looking at how you're sleeping, how you're preparing yourself for a routine before resting, stretching, making sure that you're getting oxygen throughout your body, walking. If you're not a person who's into exercising, but maybe just taking a 20- to 30-minute walk a day. Really start releasing your body and start moving more. So if you move a little, you move a little more tomorrow, and that helps to start a routine.

And then healthy eating. I know that we all have different thoughts about what healthy eating looks like, but really consider how much green vegetables I'm eating, how many fruits am I eating, and how am I balancing that with the protein that I might be taking in, and the types of protein.

And then also considering that there are health-related issues connected to trauma. Also, considering what my body needs, specifically to things that might be already in place like diabetes or other health issues that you might have. What do I really need to do to start to eat towards healing my body as well?

And then also, every single day, I do some form of meditation, prayer, and actually focus meditation on areas that are surrounding my emotional health. And so for me, that might be today I might do one on forgiveness and compassion and kindness to myself. And then also I might do one for compassion and kindness to my community. And so I think being able to put those two together are really important. That's your physical and your emotional and/or mental.

And then I think your spiritual practice for, like I said earlier, meditation, yoga, connecting with nature. I'm absolutely in love with grounding outside, and/or doing different activities with plants in terms of actually digging in the dirt and putting your hands and connecting to the earth.

So some of these things might seem, "Oh, well, that's not going to help me for all the things that are going on in the world." But what it does is it gives you a space to be still, and trying to be in a place where you are not only taking in a negative of the world, but also the positive of the world.

And then I think if we look at community care. And so a larger level of self-care that includes our community is supporting systems and volunteering in areas that are important to us, making sure that if we can't go out on the front line, that we are actually supporting and/or giving money to those causes that we know are important to our hearts and our communities.

And then asking for help. If all else fails and you're not able to make or understand these examples for your specific story, there are so many opportunities to go and get support with different forms of therapy. I know for the state of New Jersey, some of the insurance companies are actually waiving their copay. And so if you have insurance, you can actually get a therapist at this time and not have to worry about the copay.

So there's different options to start looking into. If you are Black and Brown, there's very specific opportunities for you to seek out therapists that may look like you. So that way, if you are dealing with racial trauma and/or in the workplace, having to present as if you're healthy and the world is still on fire, and you're not doing well, you have a safe place that you can go to heal. And so I think it's really kind of incorporating all of it in order to make sure that you're including your self-care as part of your community care. And be intentional.

Cat McDonald:
Yeah. I love the holistic approach. It's about your body, your spirit, your community. It's very holistic.

Sharea Farmer:
Yeah. And I think it reflects healing journeys very similar to indigenous people. It reflects healing journeys that have a lot to do with healing intergenerational trauma. And a lot of that looks like making a safe and strong community, making a supportive family and acknowledging the pain that you may have experienced related to trauma, and being okay with acknowledging it out loud, but also acknowledging that you don't have to live in pain.

I think also, it means returning back to some of our cultural practices. So some of those things that I mentioned, like walking, I make sure I walk with my walking partner and we social distance and walk. So I still get the social connection. So it's returning to the things that strengthen your identity, but also strengthen your identity within the community.

So when I say the word, like making sure your environment is reflective of that positive outlook around what you want for your community is also important as part of your self-care. And for me, that's just as simple as having a dream board that I see every day that acknowledges that I have dreams for myself individually, that impact my community.

And so just really being intentional. And I think that's really what I want to get across. Be intentional and hopeful because those are going to also be part of us getting through this stage of healing and the pain of this level of healing.

And there's also some risk within our community that this pain may last longer if we don't get out and vote. So I think that means also get out and vote and that's part of self-care, and acknowledging that you have impact, and you have opportunity to help things change within yourself and others.

Cat McDonald:
Yeah. This is great. I feel like I'm learning a lot, thinking about ways that I can add to my own self- care. So what do social workers and folks in general, who are not Black and Brown, what do they need to know about this moment? How can social workers of all races help to support Black and Brown people and their communities right now?

Sharea Farmer:
So I think there's a few things. Be very intentional about avoiding additional emotional labor for Black and Brown people. And what I mean by that is take the time to be reflective on what you need to know as a non-Black or Brown social worker or person. But don't think that it is the best time for those communities to try to be the ones to educate you.

So be very intentional about researching White supremacy, how you can help to dismantle some of the practices that are really in place, and we don't even realize that we participate in them ourselves. So be intentional about learning, but also about not asking or expecting that learning to take place with Black and Brown people at this point. Because there is a reality that we are actively trying to fight for justice, which is already historically been shown such violence in our community and violence against our bodies. That alone is enough for us to have to carry.

And so being very intentional about what type of emotional labor am I putting on those who are Black and Brown who might be experience... And also their communities, right? What if I step back for a moment and be reflective and see if I can do extra to be able to support those communities, especially in my workplace, or especially as we think about social workers. I think this is one of the best things about some of the protesting that is going on. It does include not just Black and Brown people. It includes White people who are willing to stand up and say that this is wrong. And so being very intentional and supportive in a way that does not add to additional labor, to me, is one of the first things.

And another way to do that is to just educate yourself on the history of this country and how it has impacted so many of the systems that we navigate. And to use your power to be able to support the communities. And then ask them how they can be supported. You know, all else fails, it's really okay to just ask, "How can I support you?" Or offer support that looks like some of the things that we just talked about. How can I make sure that they have access to a community garden? How can I make sure that they have access to meditation and prayer? How can I make sure that they have access to some of the things that will be self-care or community care that can impact them individually, but also as a community?

Cat McDonald:
You talked a little bit about your own self-care. You talked about an accountability partner and being mindful about what you're eating. What else is in your personal self-care toolkit these days?

Sharea Farmer:
I do a lot of journaling, both reflective journaling and gratitude journaling, which is reflective about what I really feel about today, what I really am feeling related to the emotions, good or bad. So that part is very honest and reflective in the moment. But then I also try to make sure that within that same journaling, I end with some layer of gratitude about the present, gratitude about where I am now and where I want to be, and that it's about hope. And so that's one of the main things that I do every single day.

Another thing that I enjoy doing, and I'm really getting back to, is to work out. I try to make sure that at least once a day, I do something between 30 to 60 minutes of just me-time related to working out, and/or even just walking.

I enjoy reading. And so for me, reading things that make me feel good about my culture or things that make me identify the strength of the different history within my culture is very important. Right now, I'm reading "A Burst of Light and Other Essays," by Audre Lorde, essays that weren't released. And so it was exciting to just even start and have that be a part of my journey for this upcoming week.

And then I try to make sure I do some actual safe spaces for Black and brown communities. Right now, I have a Facebook group for self-care for Black girls where I actually go in once a week and we do a little bit of emotional health check-in, and give tips and tools to be able to take care of yourself. So, that helps me to help them.

And then I like to go outside. I enjoy the sunshine. For me taking walks, even when it's cooler, has still been something that makes me happy. And so I try to make sure I'm very intentional. And the best way to do that is to kind of create your list upfront. And I have what is considered my joy list. And so if all else fails, and I don't know what to do for self-care, I just look on the list and say, "I'm picking one and that's what I'm going to do."

But just be prepared when all else fails. If you don't know what to do, create a list ahead of time, so that way you have it available when you really need it.

Cat McDonald:
So what gives you hope?

Sharea Farmer:
And laugh.

Cat McDonald:
And what? And laugh.

Sharea Farmer:
I was going to say, and laugh. Just... to enjoy some moments.

Sharea Farmer:
So what gives me hope? There's a number of things that gives me hope. I think the latest things I think, is just being exposed to young people. I work with a lot of young people, so it's sort of naturally a way for me to kind of stay in place, even myself, with hopefulness because they give me that hope.

Sharea Farmer:
And so really listening to where things are good in people, and even where people find hope in fighting systems, and being able to see that the world is not okay with the commonplace or the status quo any longer. Those things give me hope. I know that this is a painful time. I'm a realist in that sense, and I'm not unaware that this is painful. But I also have hope that there's a possibility that this level of pain could lead to such positive growth and change for us as a country.

And so what gives me hope is the idea that we have fought before. And if we have to fight again, we will. My ancestors give me hope, because I know that there is nothing that we have not been able to endure or get through as a community. And we will continue to have those fights, but we will do them together. My hope is as mine in history and present and future, when I think of some of the young people who are in my life and how excited they are about their futures, even as the world is still going on. And I think those things give me hope.

Cat McDonald:
Hmm. That's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much. I think we'll end it there. I really appreciate your sharing your thoughts with us. Thank you, Sharea.

Sharea Farmer:
Thank you for having me.

Cat McDonald:
Listeners, if you like this episode, please leave us a review in Apple podcasts. And look to the show notes for the resources that we mentioned in this episode.

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