Announcer:
This episode is sponsored by Connect to End COVID-19.
Greg Wright:
Welcome to Social Work Talks. My name is Greg Wright.
Suicides were on a decline in the United States. However, lately there has been a rise.
I'm here with Chris Gilchrist, who is a social worker in Hampton, Virginia. She is a specialist in suicide prevention and also helping those who are survivors of a suicide. Welcome to Social Work Talks, Chris. How are you doing?
Christine Gilchrist:
I'm doing well. I've looked forward to this, Greg.
Greg Wright:
Let's get at it. How did you at first get involved in the area of suicide prevention and also grief counseling after a suicide may happen?
Christine Gilchrist:
After I got my bachelor's at Ohio University, and had three kids, went back for my masters at Norfolk State, go Bobcats and Spartans, I was looking... My faith is important to me, so I actually was looking at a hospital chaplain, but women could not do that then. So I went secular route, and got my masters, did advanced counseling with a group in D.C., for people who know CPE, I did units of CPE, clinical pastoral education. And then my first job, where I got money, was for private practice, and it was a pretty large private practice. And I was assigned a woman who lost her husband to suicide and had children. And so, I did, like we social workers do, did some research and talked to some people, because I had never had that before.
But I can tell you, as soon as I met with her and she told me the story and how she was struggling with not just the loss but the trauma and the tragedy of this, something stirred in me and I thought maybe that's something, a place where I could help.
Coincidentally or not, within a month, this is the truth, I was asked to lead a bereavement group for people who had lost a loved one to suicide. And I thought about it. I almost, to be honest, didn't do it because I was worried that the pain for that loss, it's true, is so great. That maybe the leader should be somebody who's experienced it themselves.
So I prayed about it, I thought about it, and then I came to this great realization I hope every social worker does, which is I do not have to experience everything to be able to help somebody. I'm not a recovered alcoholic. I have not an incest survivor. I haven't lost someone to suicide. But there is a universal, there is a way I can be well-informed and skilled, in a way that I can facilitate compassion and healing. So that's how it came together.
It's been 35 years ago that I started this. So I was in that group with private practice. Now, I'm solo practice. And I neglected to put in my bio, I have three children, and two of them are LCSWs. One is a pastor and an LCSW. His practice is A Light Unto My Path. It's from a Psalm. And then my daughter is solo practice. Then I have a son, Scott, Amy, Kurt, who keeps us honest. He's an attorney.
Greg Wright:
Got you. A good mix.
Christine Gilchrist:
But we have social work in our blood.
Greg Wright:
And it's always a good thing to have an attorney in the family too. I also happen to have a daughter who's a social worker and it's a wonderful thing to have in your family, trust me.
Christine Gilchrist:
It is. I would do some supervision for her, but she'd have to treat for breakfast.
Greg Wright:
Okay.
Christine Gilchrist:
Do it all for breakfast.
Greg Wright:
A good deal.
Christine Gilchrist:
Yes.
Greg Wright:
So you are involved with the Hampton Roads Survivors of Suicide Support Group, and I was wondering-
Christine Gilchrist:
Support group, not a therapy group.
Greg Wright:
Yes, exactly. So, how did that group form and what is the benefit of having a support group where a survivor of a suicide is able to interact with others?
Christine Gilchrist:
Right. I make it clear, it's not a therapy group, although it's very tempting sometimes to just really take over and maybe get things a little healthier. But actually, it was three sisters three decades and five years ago who heard of a walk. So that was a way you could remember somebody, and they asked if we could have a walk. So, I said, "Well, let's have a couple of months and see if people are interested." So it started with that.
The suicide group started with... I'm sorry, you wanted to know why? How it started?
Greg Wright:
Yes.
Christine Gilchrist:
Oh, it started, I just knew some people and got my name out. You have to find ways to get your name out. I knew people through pastoral. I knew people through graduate school. And so, then somebody stepped in and we started a website and by word of mouth is the main way. I've never charged anything too, that's another way, how you can get somebody to be a part of a resource. I'm hoping maybe there's a social worker who may be touched to do this, so just by word of mouth and there's no fee. That matters. That matters a lot to people. So that-
Greg Wright:
So how is it a benefit for a person to be around others who are in a similar situation of being a survivor of that suicide?
Christine Gilchrist:
Right. Well again, it's not therapy. So the leader needs to not just make sure nobody monopolizes, but you want to make sure to help them differentiate and point out the benefits of how individual counseling could work.
And you also want to assess... I always have people before they can come, Greg, call. So it gives me a chance on the phone to kind of do an assessment. I bet in 35 years, maybe 10 people who they weren't ready for the group or the group wasn't ready for them, so I might suggest they get a counselor to... So I do that. When they come, it's an open-ended group. And people are welcome, whether it's recent, and statistically it's proven that sooner, the better for them to come.
Have somebody presently in the group who lost their son to suicide 26 years ago and has come. So what I did, it just was coincidental, Greg, but last night was our SOS group for the month. So I asked them, I said, "I would like your voice to be heard on this NASW podcast. So let's go around."
Often, we'll start with, you have to start with those classic introductions in this group. "I am, I lost my son, his name is." People are encouraged if they want to bring a picture which moves your heart, their heart and everyone else's. So you introduce your yourself, you start talking.
And often, at the end, we'll have some, again, around the group closure. So I ask people, "So what would you say you have gotten from this? Or what makes a difference for you?"
May I read a few of them?
Greg Wright:
Oh, absolutely. Thank you.
Christine Gilchrist:
"I was welcomed into the group on the first night I attended." Another person, "I was met with understanding, kindness, genuine concern for my profound grief." "At SOS, I'm surrounded by others who have experienced the same trauma and loss. It helps me to know that someone finally understands what I'm going through." "SOS has provided me with a safe place to discuss an often taboo subject." "SOS and grief counseling saved my life. I now understand that something so horrific as losing a loved one to suicide is survivable with group support." "It is so sad that a group like this exists, but I am so very thankful that it does. Once a month, I do not have to fake it."
I was so touched with what they said. You could not have scripted it better. The people who are grieving with me have become like friends from a shared traumatic event in our life. There's a bond that we don't ask for, but we do deserve.
"My first meeting was the first time I did not feel alone after my wife's death." Just two more. "It is nice to belong to a group that knows your pain without saying too many words. It saved me, being part of this group. It lets me know I am normal and not crazy with how I feel." And the last one, "Our first visit to SOS was the first time we felt understood. It was the first time we had been in a room where people truly did know the level of pain we were in."
Greg Wright:
Wow. Powerful.
Christine Gilchrist:
There were that many people in the group.
Greg Wright:
Yeah. Very, very powerful.
Christine Gilchrist:
It is. That's what you want for any topic, especially this group that's stigmatized, and losing a loved one to suicide.
Greg Wright:
So let's like talk about, you had said earlier that a person has to be ready to join a support group. So as a therapist and a social worker, what are the signs that a person is ready to share that trauma with others?
Christine Gilchrist:
This is the one time I don't see them, which we know from COVID, non-verbals are powerful. So I'll ask a couple of questions. I'll ask them some questions that I'll kind of know where they are. "If you don't mind, do you mind telling me who it is that you lost?" I'll know a lot in how they talk. And they might not be able to say, "He hanged himself."
Another thing I'll be sure to say, I let them know what the group is like and I'll say, "You really don't have to talk, except for the introductions." It's a classic thing. And I would let them know it's a support group. And I'll assess what kind of problems they have. There's always conflict before suicide. Tiptoeing, things aren't healthy usually. And so, I'm, will ask them, "Was there a previous attempt?" I'll ask them some things as I'm assessing, going along the way. I will let them know, "You don't have to say anything. This is a place where you can listen, and I bet what someone else says, you will have felt or thought." But then I tell them about the introductions, because they need to know, and that would be the last thing.
But it is important, like everyone else in the group will do. And it's rare, after I've hopefully, gently, with compassion been listening, they, "Oh, I can't do that." So I will listen. I will do some kind of test things to see how they handle it at the time while we're talking, without other people. And 14 people is a great number. Big enough, so you don't have to talk. But small enough, I'll make sure everyone has a chance. That assessment is important.
Greg Wright:
Is there a fear that by sharing your experience that it's a re-traumatization?
Christine Gilchrist:
I think that's a great question too. One of the judgment parts is, so these people have taken their lives in violent ways. So I will, in that conversation, have an idea where they are in that. So, I don't let people get too graphic. And actually, an ex-marine brought this, he lost a buddy of his to suicide. We have this little table that just holds two tissue boxes. And so, when somebody's real tearful, somebody else will end up taking the tissue box to them. It's just nice fellowship that is formed. So I will not let there be so much crying that you can't stop. So of course, I know if there's a new person. If there's a new person, before we have the round table, or in the intros, I will make a point, "And we have somebody new tonight. It's Mary. She lost her son." And I'll let her know I'm going to do that.
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah.
Christine Gilchrist:
Those steps, we believe in small steps to make a difference.
Greg Wright:
So our society has a hard time dealing with death generally. And with suicide, I mean, that's even a greater stigma. You've been in this arena for a while. And I was wondering, are you noticing that that stigma is easing? Or is it just as a taboo subject 35 or so years back that it is now?
Christine Gilchrist:
Now, see, I use the time I say something, I wait and see how I can make it count the most and use the smallest amount of time, because I want them to talk. So sometime I will say something like, "Unlike other diseases that you may have, the number one cause for suicide is untreated depression. It's a medical condition. It's diagnosable. It's treatable. And early intervention even matters. It's a medical condition." And I said, "But there was a time when we didn't have an understanding. We didn't know what to do when somebody's behavior and thinking was different."
In fifth century, St. Augustine, 12th century, Thomas Aquinas, it was considered a crime, a sin. Now, we've advanced medicine, chemistry. Now we know it's the truth. It's a fact. It's not an opinion. The number one cause is the medical disease of depression.
So the best way to counter that stigma and all of that prior thinking is to replace it with the understanding, "We're talking to medical condition." If you don't have healthy lungs, you can't breathe. Well, if you don't have a healthy heart, you're slower in running. If you don't have a healthy brain, your reality is distorted. You don't think straight. Your brain isn't functioning. You may decide to take your own life, but it's not based on reality-based information. You're not thinking straight. So when you replace that, it helps. It sheds light. It gives hope. This is fixable. And it helps them let go of that.
And then I might say, "I've done a lot of talks with the military. Hampton Roads has all five. Oh, it sounds like you've been here Virginia Beach, Norfolk, the largest naval installation in the world.
Greg Wright:
I'm a Navy brat, so I grew up in the Navy. My brother was a Naval Academy graduate. We were on the base there when I was a little kid. So yeah, I'm familiar with that.
Christine Gilchrist:
Oh, well then you know our seven cities of-
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah.
Christine Gilchrist:
So you give a shout-out to Hampton Roads too.
Greg Wright:
I will.
Christine Gilchrist:
So I will say too sometimes, I've met for two hours alone with the admiral at the Pentagon, and I talked and I would say died by suicide or lost their battle with depression. But he's saying to commit suicide, to commit suicide, to commit suicide. So very respectfully, I said, "Sir, if you notice, I don't say to commit suicide, but I would not say to commit pancreatic cancer either, because I know they're both..." I had said this very respectfully, because you don't want to point out the admiral maybe made a mistake. So, "There's another way to say it." And he's wondering, "What is it?" And so, of course I tell him, "Because this is a medical condition and we're countering that stigma."
Greg Wright:
Now, you are working with a large military audience there. I grew up in the military and I noticed issues like alcoholism and domestic violence and others, they kind of tend to be brushed over or ignored. So for a thing like suicide, is it even more difficult to work on this issue with a military audience compared to a civilian one, Chris?
Christine Gilchrist:
I just love that. I love that question. And every command in the Navy, but it's true for... You've got Langley Air Force Base, you've got the army. They have, for their commands, suicide prevention instructors. They'll have training, they have different plans.
And the stats, when we look at stats with the 21 statistics, which were... It was over 47,500. And of that, per hundred thousand, white males were 26.4 per hundred thousand; Black males, 14.1; Hispanics, 8.7; military was 24.8. Mostly, you would know, mostly young enlisted. So the 24.8 is somewhere... It is higher than civilians, but not by many points. I was surprised. You probably could imagine this, it's very hard to get military stats sometimes.
But what I noticed that's different in working with them is, and I've worked with them a lot, I feel very honored, my dad was Air Force pilot, is... So they'll look at resilience and they look at all these different philosophies, Greg. But what I said to the admiral too, Admiral Carter, I said, "All of these are, the military wants to provide for our military folks and their families. The dependents, independent. They want to do that." In my view, what an important issue is, Greg, you're going to appreciate this. How do you reconcile the military persona and the individual's humanity?
And so, how do you do that? You've got to find a way... So how does the leader, when you've pumped leadership, and all the military stuff, and then how do you handle the grieving or how do you handle the stress? You're supposed to be a leader. And the truth is, if you get help through the military, they're your employers.
This is a paradox, but I hear it all the time. The paradox is somebody is severely depressed, they're thinking of suicide. "Oh, I don't want the military to know." And so, I say, "Why is that?" And of course they're going to say, "It might ruin my career." So you're thinking it might ruin your career, but life is so painful, you want to stop the pain and end your life.
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Christine Gilchrist:
So that's what I think the real challenge is. And I am in touch, that I know even when they have support groups after. I mean, they had two suicides, helicopter command within a couple of weeks. The bush, you know these aircraft carriers. A couple of years ago, they had three in the bush in a couple of months.
So you've got to find a way to help them grieve and heal, but yet, they're afraid, they don't talk from their heart. They don't say that. They're trying, but with the military, I'll let them know. I did a stand down for USS Vinson and I told the CO, "I'm not going to do a stand down without telling them, but I want to tell you first, so you're not surprised. That when in active duty, if they're experiencing depression, they also can go to counseling with their wife for marital counseling, to have another way." And you can do that usually outside of the military, dependents can. So that means your records are private.
Now, the CO, I forget his name at this time, but was not crazy about that. But I said, "Having access, different ways to get help, is proven to make a difference."
Greg Wright:
I want to-
Christine Gilchrist:
So isn't it-
Greg Wright:
Yeah, that's a good solution, because I grew up in the military and I had always heard, "I am afraid if I say this, it will affect me," because there's a climb up the ladder. Everyone wants a promotion, et cetera. So that's actually a good solution, if you are a married person. But if you're not, if you're a single person and you don't have a spouse, there's not-
Christine Gilchrist:
You pay out of pocket. And also, there are mostly United Way funded counseling centers, where they'll negotiate a fee. I always have the numbers with me. So that is another option.
And with CSB. I assume, I hope this is national, every city has their own community service board.
Greg Wright:
Yeah, exactly.
Christine Gilchrist:
Is that mandated? I would think.
Greg Wright:
I don't know, but we'll find out and put it in our resources, with this podcast.
Christine Gilchrist:
Absolutely.
Greg Wright:
Don't mind. I was looking at some figures from the CDC, and it said deaths by suicide had actually been on a decline before the pandemic, and then they started to inch back up again. And I was wondering, is it social isolation? What is your take on why our suicide rates are now going back up lately?
Christine Gilchrist:
I guess, this is a disclaimer, Greg, is suicide risk variables. Some are very obvious. Like during the pandemic, worried about do you keep your job, is a loved one going to die. So the risk factors were high, but actually, the overall rates were lower. So let's look at that.
There was a slight decline actually before the pandemic, just slight, so that there were 46,000 some deaths. The year before that, there were about 48. From 2000, I think it's seven, to 2019. Well, up until the pandemic. But it was lessening before that. The rates always went up. And this decline was 219 or 220, that decline is the first time in about 20 years the suicide rate went lower.
And so, some of the thinking, "So how could that be when there's an increase of risk factors?" But even a bit before that, I like to think, Greg, that maybe, and I'm talking to all social workers, maybe we are making a difference and letting people... Maybe we're replacing the stigma of depression with hope and healing, getting help, accessing help. So I like to think that's part of it.
Also, with the pandemic, it seems counterintuitive, but families are together. Hopefully, there's some healthy, loving interaction. Parents are able to observe their kids more. So hopefully, that's... I like to think that's it, and it's not some... I don't think we've said that's climate affected. Although, we do know the time of the year when suicide rates go up actually. And people don't usually think correctly about that. So that's all I can think of. But I can tell you, since the pandemic hit and now I'm not wearing a mask, you're not, it's gone back up. So it was 48,200, something like that.
Greg Wright:
What are the signs that a family member or a friend should look out for if they think that a person might die by suicide? I mean, is there a behavioral change? Because I've heard from several folks that I know, that they had no idea. Like, "Oh, we were out, and we had a dinner out, a nice evening, a movie out, and the next day this thing-"
Christine Gilchrist:
They bought a new pair of tennis shoes two days ago.
Greg Wright:
Yeah.
Christine Gilchrist:
I hear that so much. And when I initially meet with the family, that 90 some percent is the case. As I talk with the family, so I have to be gentle. But also, I want them to be well aware because if there's suicide, for a family member, they're five times at greater risk for suicide. So helping generate healthy healing is also suicide preventing. So you want to be careful and know what you're doing.
But after, when I'm talking with them, I'll hear all the symptoms. I'll hear all the symptoms. So much is education. And the symptoms affect you physically, affect you cognitively and emotionally. Physically, you lose weight, or you're not sleeping right, or you have a loss of energy and you're lethargic. You may look less nice because your hygiene is going down. You're underperforming. So it's behavioral, it's emotional. You don't just feel, but you feel useless. You feel hopeless. "It's never going to get better. There's nothing I can do." And the feeling when somebody says this in the group may draw tears, is, "I'm not worth anything to anybody anyway." Those emotions and the cognitive beliefs coupled with those emotions.
And remember, depression, I hate this symptom, but it's one of them, is isolation. And when you withdraw, when you isolate, you're isolating yourself with those beliefs. "It'll never get better. Nothing I can do. People are better off without me." So it's cognitive. And your concentration and your memory's impaired, behaviorally and emotionally. So those are some of the... It gets you on all the fronts of who you are.
Greg Wright:
Yeah. So if I'm a loved one, how can I help though? I mean, should I rush the person into therapy of some sort? Are there support lines? I mean, I know that we have our call lines now, our suicide prevention lines. If I'm noticing this with a spouse, a loved one, a child, a parent, what are some steps that a person might take?
Christine Gilchrist:
Well, with that, this is included with family, surprisingly, or maybe not, but coworkers or anybody, people are conditioned to believe that if I say the word suicide, or if I suggest maybe they're depressed, or something along those lines, you're going to create the idea. Believe me, if you're noticing they're depressed, they're thinking about suicide. And so, let's figure out a way to say it. But to say the word suicide shatters... With depression as a treatable, diagnosable disease, you shatter that shame and that silence.
So in a loving way, a little different if it's close family or if it's somebody at work. But you might say something like, I'm trying to find a happy medium, "Hey, Neil, how are you doing?" And they say something and I would say, "Well, I'm wondering if something's wrong or maybe you're not feeling good. I've noticed that you haven't gone out to lunch with people at work," or, "I've noticed you haven't shot baskets in the driveway. And I've noticed this... Our brain, our heads could have diseases too. And I'm wondering, I'm if you're not feeling as good as you can be feeling and maybe you are depressed. And that's such a treatable disease that people are understanding and you don't have to feel like this."
But in there, I would've paused to say, "Are you feeling better?" I'd want them to say some things. You got to build some kind of a case. And then you say, "And I know," and it might be I know from this person, or it might be, "I listened to a podcast that Greg was doing and I know early..." I've never heard anyone say this till the last couple of days, I'm thinking about this, early intervention matters too. "I want to help you and there are lots of ways we can do that. Let me talk with you about it."
And so, you look at counselor, you look at your MD, but you assess. You're going to make sure there are no guns in the house.
I had a patient within the last couple of weeks who said, "When I was more depressed, if there was a gun in the house... Also, I was drinking alcohol," you're 75% at greater risk drinking alcohol and in depressed. "I would've shot myself. I absolutely would've."
So you make sure about firearms. You make sure the family knows in non-threatening, not controlling, but taking them step by step. And you don't leave them until you solicit with family, you talk with them. You may go to the ER at the hospital, you may look in their community service board, somebody who's a counselor, and you say the word suicide. I don't know if I said the word suicide, which I want to say another sentence in my little dialogue there.
"I know you're not... Amy said some things, you're not feeling so good. And you may even have thought of suicide." And I'm quiet and they don't say anything. And I probably say, "Have you?" And, "I care about you and I know you can feel better. I know, because I know you and I care about you." So say the word suicide. Sorry if I-
Greg Wright:
Oh, no, not at all. Not at all.
Christine Gilchrist:
Do you like the sound of that?
Greg Wright:
Yes. I mean, it sounds like a strategy that even a person that's not a social worker might be able to employ if they're worried about a person. So I want to thank you for that advice. I really do.
If a suicide does happen though, I know that a survivor might be feeling anger, guilt, or, "Maybe if I would've done this or that." So how can a person support a survivor, an everyday person? You've already talked about your support group and you read all of the wonderful testimonies, but how can a family friend or another relative support that person or that family?
Christine Gilchrist:
I'm thinking of a woman, Greg, who lost her son. And the group collectively will say, as they know each other, really there is a fellowship with them, and it's different people every time, I've never had the same people twice. But her saying, "I never thought my pain could be greater. And knowing my son took his life by suicide." Then she said, "But then there were the whispers."
So you want to, it depends again on how close, and you can always ask someone, "I'm thinking about you. In whatever way of communication, can I talk about how you're doing?" "I remember, and you say something, you say their name," "And I'm so sorry that happened." And you're inviting them because there's a stigma.
And it's like that woman, "Then there are the whispers." And one thing I appreciate about the group, nobody I think said this in their go around, but you think you're a bad mother or parent or not a good friend. And you were right on the mark, Greg, when you said, "Do they want what if?" With suicide, and often when I do bereavement counseling... My whole practice is not just suicide, I think I would melt. That would be too hard. But just for you to be able to talk, "And I remember with your son," or, "He was so good at this," just to be able to verbalize that.
And you're right, guilt, anger, what you were right on the mark about was... So I often will divide it into the loss, the grieving loss, pain part, and that it was suicide. And you're right, the questions that our life is terrible, horrific, cruel, riddle. "Why? How could you? How could you do this to your family? How could you leave me with these kids? How could you? Remember, you're not thinking straight.
And then the last one, what if, "What if I had called my brother before that? What if we didn't have that argument?" And it wasn't the argument, it was just one thing on top of another. So you talk to them, you ask them how they are, and then there will be that wave of immediate help. And then, people kind of trickle off, kind of forget you some.
And I hear too, for people who don't know somebody real well, sending a card, "I met your son one time, he was so polite," or, "I know there's a different lonely you might have, just give me a call."
Greg Wright:
Yeah, so I'm going to show you something. I actually have a church member. And her son was a professor and he died by a suicide. So she actually gave away his ties. He had a wonderful collection. So on a Mother's Day, when I go to church and this is it, it's a tie, I try to wear it. And she really gets a joy from knowing that we are remembering him and that we're also having a commemoration of him by having a tie on that he wore. I mean, it was her only child. She is in a second marriage-
Christine Gilchrist:
So she might think, "Am I still a mom?"
Greg Wright:
Yeah, exactly. So I mean, it really puts a smile on her face. I mean, at first, I felt weird about doing it, but she really appreciates it. So it's just the little things to do a remembrance.
He was also a bass player. It's a bass violin, which is a big one. So they actually dedicated that to our church. And so, when we are playing, it's often an instrument that we are using in our worship. So it's another way to also commemorate him in some way. So I hear you, what you're saying.
Christine Gilchrist:
It's beautiful. Right. But also, it's within the context of faith in each other, faith community, and she had control over that. Whereas I hear also, if people are afraid, "Is it too soon to give away? What do I give away?" All of that. If you're not sure, don't do it.
But she made this a memorial for her son, her only child, and she trusted and must have felt comfort within the faith that you share.
And also, I know people who gave things away to Goodwill, and they see what could have, could be a tie, they see something and that breaks their heart, or they see the truck.
So your church member really knew the spirit of your community and that was a lovely thing to do. I don't know how recent it is, but I think that one will continue to feel very memorable. And the butterflies, a symbol of resurrection.
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah. I like that.
Christine Gilchrist:
Did you get to pick or did she-
Greg Wright:
I actually got to pick. So she a rack. They had a memorial service. They actually had a meal. And so, all of his ties were out. And she's like, "He was a proud owner of hundreds of them. I just want all of us to share that." So I picked out one.
Christine Gilchrist:
I think you got a beauty.
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah. I did.
Christine Gilchrist:
May I tell you also a new resource that... There's been the 1-800-273-TALK lifeline crisis. And now, they have 988. And so-
Greg Wright:
A lot of social workers are on that 988 line too.
Christine Gilchrist:
Oh, okay. Well, I hadn't. So in the last two days I made... Well, actually, I asked my husband to make one of the calls, because I'm afraid they're going to trace and see my number and then wonder if I'm doing plants. But I pretended I was a patient, because I wanted to see how they handled it. And Dobb, he's not as good an actor, he did a good job, thanks though.
So I am pleased. And I'll tell you a couple of things I'm pleased about. I'm pleased that you can choose... So you get on there and they say, "Would you like to be channeled to LGBTQ or military?" And you can choose it or not. And I talked with them afterwards. "Well, if you're military and you knew that, would you make them?" They don't. They have more anonymity. So I liked that about them. I said, "Your outreach is going to touch more people when you do that. And so, you've got two channels."
I asked them, "So what kind of resources are you able to do?" And at first, she was trying to direct me to... "Oh, two things. One is they will call you. The other one, I don't know if I asked that, but they will call you if you say, "Could you call me tomorrow? Just it would feel good and we can... All right, I can't talk more now. Would you call me tomorrow?" They'll do that.
I also like, I would ask them, "So how could somebody find out where SOS groups are?" That was the question I asked. And that person said, "Go on our website, type in a question, we'll get back in 24 hours." They didn't, or we didn't know how to access it, something.
But this third call, which was this morning actually, it was a long time ago, I called and said, "I really need to know what a local resource is." And she stopped and she told me that Chesapeake CSB, I know Integrated, I know the director of it. And she gave me another one, which I think was the United Way funded, like Catholic family charities or something. So I am so far a believer in 988. I like them. They were well-spoken, compassionate.
Greg Wright:
Great. I mean, I'm really surprised that you made the calls and you did the research, vetting them. If this is a endorsement coming from a social worker who has been in this long before 988 lines, 988 lines must be a good thing. So thank you for that research.
Christine Gilchrist:
I told her, I said, "Are you employed or are you volunteers?" And she says, "We have both." And she said, "I'm employed." And I said, "I feel as if I'm getting my money's worth from you. You're listening. You're repeating back. You make sure you understand. I think you should tell..." Actually, I said, "If your supervisor is handy, I'll talk with her," because I thought I could give some feedback. And I want to give positive feedback where it's due, but it would've had to disconnect or something else. But I'm interested in that. I think it's an improvement.
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah.
Christine Gilchrist:
I think it will touch more people.
Greg Wright:
Absolutely. So we are talking with Chris Gilchrist, who is the founder of the Hampton Roads Survivors of Suicide Support Group.
I want to ask you a final question. You are-
Christine Gilchrist:
A fun?
Greg Wright:
Oh, I wanted to ask you one more question.
Christine Gilchrist:
Okay. I'm sorry. I thought you said a fun question.
Greg Wright:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not fun, final.
Christine Gilchrist:
We have a fun question.
Greg Wright:
No, no. I mean, this is-
Christine Gilchrist:
I'm ready.
Greg Wright:
So I mean, we have to have a smile and a laugh sometimes, because this is a serious topic.
Christine Gilchrist:
But I have to tell you, in our support group, every meeting, those tissues, proverbial tissues in the center are used and passed along. Every meeting, we laugh. I want it to be a microcosm of healthy healing. Bereavement, it's the balance of the emotional part and going on with life. But we laughed hard. And Golda Meir, I don't know if you're old enough to know Golda Meir.
Greg Wright:
Oh, yeah. I remember her.
Christine Gilchrist:
Okay. She had this saying.
Greg Wright:
The prime Minister of Israel at one time.
Christine Gilchrist:
Oh, she said, "You have to be able to cry tears from your heart to be able to laugh from your belly." What a wise woman.
Greg Wright:
A good saying.
Christine Gilchrist:
Okay. What's your other question that's not fun?
Greg Wright:
My final is, you're in a emotional feel. You're around folks probably at the darkest times. I was just wondering how do you find solace and self-care throughout all of that? And if you could advise other social workers how, that would be a good thing for us to close with today.
Christine Gilchrist:
Oh, I appreciate that that's a difficulty sometimes. And I remember when I started with this group, at night, I would walk around in our neighborhood and just looking in the houses. Not peeking in, but just seeing a warm light on, and I would just let my head unwind. So to find your own quiet way.
For me, my faith is important, and it really helps me because to have something bigger than I am to believe in, as well as people to believe in, sometimes I just have to come back to that. And so, I think everybody has some place, some way to be able to do that, because you're right, it'd be easy to get burned out.
Greg Wright:
Chris, we have been working on a day to sit down and have our conversation for a little while, so I thank you for your patience, I really do.
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